I really believe that we need to talk more and share more about PostPartum (PostNatal) Depression. It is something that I know many moms do not want to share with others for fear that we will be labeled bad, evil moms. It is very misunderstood by those who do not suffer from it. I recently found this great support group on facebook and wanted to share the information with all my readers out there. If you suffer, please hook up with on the group, it is a very honest platform with absolutely no judgement, just lots of virtual hugs and kisses.
By the way I am not an administrator for the group nor the creator of the group, I am just a mom who is finding refuge in the group!
The group is fully closed to create a private space for people to talk from the heart without anyone other than members seeing what they write,
As read through to see if this was a late April Fools Day joke, I became increasingly disgusted that someone would even consider doing this let alone drinking, my goodness what has the world come to when anyone of us thinks dumping a load of spunk into a cocktail is a good idea? Then I got to this part:
And I thought, damn he is right, we eat all kinds of crazy shit. But after a brief moment of thinking perhaps this wasn’t the dumbest idea I have ever heard of, I threw up in my mouth a little and quickly reverted back to my original resolve that this is essentially GROSS and I will not be partaking in any Sperm Cocktails anytime soon, no matter how much booze is in it or how drunk I may be….it is a NO for this individual.
I have a Dad friend who I hadn’t seen in years and happened to bump into in the park a few summers ago. He had gained a bit of weight and one of the first comments out of his mouth was “I am the same guy, just a little bigger. I hate wasting food so I always finish whats on my kids plate.” I laughed and nodded in agreement, although I really didn’t get it, I thought just save what they aren’t eating or compost it, why do you have to eat it? That was back then, back when I had a 6 month old baby who didn’t eat much of anything other then mush. Fast forward almost 4 years, and 3 kids later and I GET IT!
I always find myself taking a bit, a piece, a lick of the spoon or knife that has the mac and cheese, peanut butter, jam, mayo etc. on it, and I never ever think about it as part of my daily food intake. Somehow I have managed to convince myself without even really having much of an internal discussion about it, that these tiny, miniscule little licks and morsels of food don’t count and could not possibly be a part of what is helping to enable my weight to remain at the same frustrating number. Of course I have cut these things out of my own diet as a rule, they are full of fat and calories and not helpful towards my efforts of weight loss, but surely it doesn’t count if I just lick the spoon, right?
E is for Erratic and in this case it’s being applied to the 3 toddlers that I live with. I have often made the point to the other adults around me that if we were to act as erratically or as emotionally unstable as our little ones do we would all be spending some time in the nearest mental facility. Because lets be honest. 2,3,4 and even 5 year olds are very Erratic in their behaviour. One minute they are throwing themselves on the ground in utter dispare and the next they are throwing their heads back belting out a maniacal laugh that would send even Hannibal Lecter running with fear.
I have decided to keep my words short on this issue, because I think it is one better illustrated with pictures of the tiny Erratic ones I speak of. They have no boundaries, they know no limits, they scream at will, they cry on que and they are terrifying……WELCOME to my ERRATICALLY DYSFUNCTIONAL life!
The Boy has many, many moods. All of them can come an go within minutes of each other:
Sparky is our actress, she loves the camera and she loves her Drama:
And then we have our amazingly funny but very introspective MJ:
My 3 little Erratic entities….their constantly changing moods keep this Mom on her toes 24-7:
I recently read a blog post over at Oliviasview Blog titled “Relative Strangers: what grandparents think about donor conception” and it prompted me to finally write a post myself about the role of Grandparents in the life of Donor Conceived Children. I have thought about this many times, to be honest most of the time I see my kids with my husbands parents as they are the non-bio side of the equation, and my thoughts are always filled with awe and amazement. His parents are have been nothing but supportive, loving and extremely present in the lives of our children. One would think nothing out of the ‘ordinary’ if they were to see the kids interacting with them.
This is their Gramma who is not biologically connected to them. BUT she is the proudest, most loving, accepting, amazing Gramma ever and these kids ask for her and talk about her constantly.
Growing up I had a cousin who was adopted and I always remember my Grandmother treating him differently, I never once saw her show him any affection, as a matter of fact I am not sure I ever even saw her address him directly, and he knew it! I suppose I had a bit of a fear of something similar happening to my kids. But to my relief it has not turned out that way. Perhaps it is the difference in generations and the difference in what makes up a family these days. Our family makeup is a very eclectic one. There is divorce on both sides, remarriages, step-sisters, step-moms, step-grandmoms, step cousins, aunties and uncles who are non-bio….and on and on. So our kids have already been born into a family that has a varied past in blended families and members of the family who are not biologically linked but very much a part of our everyday lives.
A while ago I stumbled across an article that spoke about parents of those who chose to donate sperm or eggs. I never thought how they may be affected by the notion that there were going to be an undisclosed amount of biological grandchildren born to strangers. Their DNA, their Grandbabies and they would never get the chance to know them, to even know if they existed or not. I sat with this thought for quite sometime, trying to figure out how I felt about it, that my kids not only had the grandparents they see but that they have an entire family they will never know, not just a biological dad or half-siblings they will never know. They have aunts and uncles, cousins and grandparents. Then I shut it all off, it is all very overwhelming, and if I feel that emotionally entrenched by it all, I can only imagine how my kids are going to feel as they get older and start to realize the extent of their DNA and the lack of information they will be able to know about it.
This is a pic that was taken this past Christmas. This is a picture of Aunts, Uncles, Cousins and a Gramma who are not biologically connected to my kids, BUT who are the most amazing people in the world. Our kids are so attached and in love with each and everyone of them!
On another note, and one that caught me pleasantly off guard, there is yet another category of Grandparent in the mix. I have been in contact with 2 of our children’s half-siblings. One of the moms is a Single mom and she contacted me so that she would have the information to be able to give to her son if and when he wanted it, she stated that she was not particularly interested in extensive contact. She did however facebook friend me and through that avenue we are able to share pictures of the children and keep tabs on daily life. A short while after she friend requested me I got a request from her mother, the Grandmother. She also was very polite and not wanting to be intrusive be she asked if she might be able to be a facebook friend so that she could also see her grandsons half-siblings growing up. It struck me that in creating these children using a sperm donor we have thrown a monkey wrench into so many different family scenarios, and I will admit that in making our decision to use a donor I never once thought about the extended families on any level, in my mind it was all about us.
Along my travels through the interwebs I have bumped into the term ‘Epigenetics’, now I am not going to even pretend I am scientific enough to dissect the actual studies behind this term, but I will say that I know on the surface it is about the old argument of nature vs nurture. For the past 4 years I have closely watched my children and tried to figure out if the traits and mannerisms they are demonstrating are coming from me – nature or my husband – nurture? As of this day I cannot tell and a lot of the time I wonder if it really matters, does it matter why they laugh a certain way, or stand a certain way? I could wonder forever, because they have family they will never know, and maybe it is the Mother of their sperm donor who stands like that or laughs like that, a Grandmother they will never know!
On My Plate is BBQ Greek Chicken, Veg and Garlic Bread, it was a total throw it together meal with what I had in the pantry and the freezer…and it is delish!!!!
