SAHM to 3 year old Twins and a 4 Year old…Did I mention I am TIRED!!!!!!!

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My Childhood

I recently posted one of my childhood pictures on Friends of Ricki (Lake) Facebook page, a great place where they are bringing Ricki’s new TV show that is starting this fall and social media together.  Today’s theme was childhood photos and I shared mine with the awesome ladies and gents of the group.  This picture is of me and my older brother in the Bahamas, we look miserable…but its probably just the hats and the shirts that my mom is making us pose with that is having that effect on us.

I have to say that I don’t remember much of my childhood, and why should I, as a kid we don’t really do very memorable things.  We are just learning to adjust to life and our environments.  Its a learning process and we don’t spend much time thinking back to when we learned how to speak and write and count.  I do remember my friends and playing, but only a little bit.  Mostly my upbringing was rather mundane.  I didn’t really think much of  it or how it was moulding who I was going to be until I was who I was to be, then I started to pick my years under my parents supervision apart and started pointing the finger at them for their mistakes.  But that is another blog post.

I was a fairly normal little girl, I thought that there were monsters under my bed, I saw angels flying around in my room, I talked to ghosts and I loved to be outside, fairly routine I’d say.

I played Dukes of Hazards on my bike with my friends in the neighbourhood, we were of course always being chased by Boss Hog, and the big crack in the road was the county line.  We played truth or dare, my brother and I rigged up after school haunted houses in our basement for the kids on our street as we were latch key kids.  Our babysitters were pot heads and we thought that was great, and they believed that I saw ghosts and even entertained my sightings by speaking to them as well.

If I look back I think I probably really liked being a child, the ages from 1-12 were pretty good for me.  I was in the “IN” group at school, as much as you can be at that age, the teachers loved me, I was a good student and like going to school.

I went to gymnastics camp when I was 7 or 8, and I loved it, I slept in a place they called the Zoo and our camp counsellor sang “One Tin Soldier” to us every night before bed and before she went out to party with the rest of the counsellors.  Her voice was beautiful and soothing, I still remember it.  I also stuck a big wad of gum behind my ear one night because we were making smoores and I wanted to eat them and not have to throw my gum out, I forgot it was there and woke up with all my hair stuck in the gum.  It is also the place I learned that if I was strong headed enough the ‘adults’ would eventually let me have my own way.  But with that I also realized what true embarrassment was.  I got the “WHY” award and had my first crush.  I also had a great pair of pink jeans I loved wearing.

Then I turned 15……

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The Coolest Guy is the one who has the Fastest Car and Drives it the Slowest!

Recently my oldest girlfriend and I got together and we were talking about our kids.  She has a stepson who is just wading his way through teenage land and she is right there going through all the trials and tribulations with him.  The break-up with the first girlfriend, the new girlfriend, the sex talk, the drivers license talk!  All of these things are mere mentions in my life right now as my kids haven’t even started school, but they certainly get me thinking back to the days of high school and the drama that it was, and the boys, oh the boys……

She gave him what I think is a solid piece of advice “The coolest guy in school is the guy who has the fastest car but drives it the slowest because he doesn’t have to prove anything!”  I LOVE IT!!!!!


So what is it I want my kids to learn from my teenage life experience, my angst, my boy drama, my girlfriend cattiness, driving a car, field parties, skipping school, drinking, sex….oh my god, my head is spinning.  I know I have a ton of time to teach them all this before they are at the stage to need the advice and my husband and I often just make the joke that as long as we manage to keep the girls off the pole and teach the boy to respect girls, we have done a good job, but in that glibness I think there may actually be some truth.

As parents we perceive who and what our children are going to be and how they are going to be formed by our upbringing.  Before I had kids my husband and I talked endlessly about how we would always give our kids choices.  They would never hear “No” from us.  For example, they want to go to the Zoo today, but that is not possible, so we explain to them that we cannot go to the Zoo today and instead they can choose from one of two options 1) a walk in the park 2) visit with Grandma.  This seemed perfectly reasonable to us as perspective parents.  Let me tell you reality hit hard!!!  Options don’t mean crap to a toddler who wants to go to the Zoo, all they want to hear is let’s go.  I never dreamed that child having a temper tantrum could  be so focus driven.  So the options quickly become a non-option in our house, and the word “NO” became a familiar ring in all of our ears, and thus we slowly realized all those late night chats of how we were going to bring up our children and influence their lives had to be flushed and more reality based ones needed to be put firmly into place.

So the toddler years are in full swing and I once again I find myself chatting with my girlfriends about who my children will be when they are teenagers, the only difference is my head is no longer in the clouds but set squarely in place on my now sensible parenting shoulders.  I have thought many times about the advice I wish I had gotten from my parents about being a teen and this is what I wish I had been told:

Girls:  Don’t worry about him, if he doesn’t like you, believe me another will come along.  Be a strong individual, be compassionate and never, ever judge anyone.  You DO NOT have to go with the crowd or the flow, you are allowed to rock the boat, it doesn’t make you a bad person it makes you who you are, a Smart thinking person.  You are beautiful, everything about is perfect, believing in yourself will allow you to believe that.  All your thoughts, emotions, ideas, tears and fears are valid and real!

Boys:  Respect women, but do not let them walk all over you.  Be a best friend and a buddy, and never judge.  Stick up for the little guy and defend your thoughts and your voice, what you have to says important.  You are smart, clever, sensitive and true.  This world is here for you to envelope and explore.  Never be afraid to cry, to ask for help, to show your true emotions or come to your mommy for a hug.  All your thoughts, emotions, ideas, tears and fears are valid and real!  Oh Yeah, and remember that “The coolest guy in school is the guy who has the fastest car but drives it the slowest because he doesn’t have to prove anything!”


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